


i'm holding out for a hero (til the morning light)

by seeyousoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Arachnophobia, Fluff and Humor, M/M, jongdae feels only Rage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 03:58:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15721521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seeyousoo/pseuds/seeyousoo
Summary: Baekhyun is in mortal danger and only Jongdae can save him.Or more accurately: Jongdae falls victim to Baekhyun's antics and it only slightly ruins his night.





	i'm holding out for a hero (til the morning light)

**Author's Note:**

> for chantelle ~
> 
> this is an unbeta'd mess lmao pls forgive any mistakes!! also if you have really strong arachnophobia, pls take caution!!!!

**_August_ ** **_  
9:34pm_ **

 

Jongdae is at work, balancing three plates on one arm and two more on the other, when his phone pings.

It makes him jump a little, jostling the plates that he had so carefully arranged on his person, earning a cautious look from a couple on the table he is passing. Jongdae sends them a sheepish smile as he collects himself, quickly re-balancing the dishes before continuing his journey to the table at the far end of the restaurant. It's not necessarily against the rules for wait staff to have their phones on them during working hours, but it is frowned upon, and all staff - wait staff and otherwise - are encouraged to leave their phones in their bags; or, if they prefer to keep them close, on silent. Jongdae usually does the latter, but he must have forgotten to change the settings before his shift started.

' _Rookie mistake_ ,' he thinks, swerving around one of his co-workers, Jongin, who sends him an amused look over the tray of desserts he is carrying. Jongdae shrugs weakly in reply and breathes out the tension in his shoulders as he makes his way over to his destination.

The table in question belongs to a rather stuffy group. Comprising of two older gentlemen and their wives (or mistresses, Jongdae theorises, seeing as both ladies are almost startlingly younger than the wrinkling men on their arms), they're dressed to the nines in bespoke suits and diamond studded jewellery, bank accounts larger than their extraordinarily high expectations, and Jongdae would rather not have to deal with their passive-aggressive snobbery if their food turns up in a slightly-less-than-perfect condition. He forces on a smile as he divvies out the dishes to the appropriate customer, fully aware of the droplets of sweat beading very obviously on his brow, and the fact that the tips of his fingers are burning to the point of numbness as he calmly places each plate in its rightful place.

His phone chimes again. The plate in his hand slips, dropping to the table with a bump so harsh it makes the surrounding wine glasses rattle. The young lady who the dish belongs to startles, her hand accidentally knocking into her glass, sending it tipping over onto the pristine white tablecloth. She manages to steady it just in time so that only a few droplets manage to hit the table, but the small stains of red grate on Jongdae's nerves even more. He opens his mouth to apologise, only to be cut off mid-word when his phone dings again for the third time in the space of a minute. The lady's husband/lover/??? sends him a disproving look down the length of his long, wrinkled nose, and Jongdae wants nothing more than to take the phone from his apron pocket and throw it at a nearby wall.

"I'm really sorry about that," Jongdae says with only mildly fake sincerity, coating his words with obvious shame in the hopes that they'll make his life easier if he really hammers home their customer-ly superiority (and his subsequent inferiority). "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Oh, no, no thank you," the lady flutters. She's smiling at him sweetly, and Jongdae sends her the most charming smile he can muster, ignoring the fact that the gentlemen beside her is sending him cursing glares from the other side of the table. "I'm fine for the moment."

"You're welcome," Jongdae replies. Her gentlemen friend is really glaring now, face purpling in annoyance, and Jongdae forgets for a moment that his job requires him to be polite to even the most dickish of people and addresses him personally. "Anything for you, sir?"

The old man glowers. "Seeing as you poured half of my wife's glass all over the table, more wine will do. Merlot, and not the cheap shit you reserve for these regular folk you have here," he grumbles, gesturing to the surrounding tables like an earl surveying peasantry.

"Of course, sir," Jongdae says cheerfully. What a wanker. "Enjoy your meal."

Sending the lady one last handsome smile (she blushes behind her napkin, and her husband frowns even more) Jongdae turns and heads back towards the kitchen, phone heavy in his apron pocket.

"What the fuck took you so long?" Kyungsoo says immediately as Jongdae walks through the door. He's not even looking at him, back facing the door as he flambés goodness-knows-what and lights up the space in a fiery glow. His hat is a little crooked on his round head, most likely tipped to the side from all the flambéing, and Jongdae refrains from pointing it out as he shuffles over to surreptitiously lean against the store cupboard door. "I was about to send Sehun out to do your job for you."

Sehun, the dishwasher boy, huffs from behind a large stack of dirty plates.

"He was flirting with the customers again," Jongin says as he enters the kitchen, cutting Jongdae off before he can reply. Yixing enters behind him and grabs a few of the dishes that are lined up on the counter waiting to be served, arranging them up his forearms. He flashes Jongdae a wink before disappearing out the door. "The young ladies on table 22. Their husbands didn’t look very pleased."

"Actually it was _lady_ , not _ladies_ ," Jongdae replies, earning him a raised brow from his fellow waiter, "and I was doing no such thing." He crosses his arms and shrugs his shoulders. "Her husband was being a dick so I decided to add a little fuel to the fire, is all."

“By flirting with his wife.”

Jongdae picks up a nearby fork and pretends to throw it at him. Kyungsoo reaches over and slaps it out of his hand with a spoon.

“With all these women pining after you lot, I’m surprised you get anything done at all,” Chanyeol, the sous chef, chortles as he makes his way over to the store cupboard, shooing Jongdae out of the way before heading inside. “The day they find out Jongdae is as gay as the fourth of July is the day this place shuts down for good, I swear.”

Laughing, Jongdae licks the remains of whatever Kyungsoo was cooking off the back of his hand. It’s delicious, as always. “What they don’t know can’t hurt them. Besides, Minseok’s the one who catches all the fish around here.”

“Yeah, but he’s the barman, that’s to be expected."

Jongin rolls his eyes fondly and picks up a few of the waiting dishes before turning to head out into the main dining area. “Anyhow, you should get a move on, Jongdae. Table 13 have just finished their entrees.”

“Yeah, hold on a second, just let me put my phone on silent,” Jongdae says, suddenly remembering the main reason he was in the kitchen in the first place, other than to, you know, do his job. Jongin rolls his eyes again before leaving the room.

Chanyeol appears from within the store cupboard. “Don’t take too long,” he says, swerving around Jongdae as he heads back to his station. “You know what’ll happen if Junmyeon catches you.”

Jongdae’s boss has been known to confiscate his employees phones for the rest of their shifts if they have the misfortune of being caught using them during busy hours. It doesn’t happen often, but Junmyeon was looking particularly stressed the last time Jongdae saw him, and with almost three more hours of work to go Jongdae would rather not push his luck. He shoos Chanyeol away with a swift kick to the backside, and when everyone else in the kitchen seems busy enough not to pay him any attention, Jongdae pulls out his phone.

Three messages, sent within seconds of each other, all displaying varying degrees of urgency. Jongdae doesn’t even need to read the name of the sender to know that they are all from Baekhyun.

Because of course it's Baekhyun.

 

**hewwo my name is loca**

_joNGDAE_

_JONGDSAEEEE R_

_jongdse pick up plssssssss DDDD:_

 

Jongdae sighs, wiping the sweat from his forehead. Knowing his best friend this could literally be about anything. The man’s emotional range is similar to that of an actual puppy and his apparent distress could mean anything from ‘look at this video of a fat raccoon I found it’s so fucking cute I'm going to die’ to ‘I am literally being butchered alive by our creepy next door neighbour, send help or at least mourn my demise’ so he doesn’t really know what to expect when starts to type out his reply.

 

 

**:3**

_What's up???? dude u know I'm at work so whatever it is I can't deal w it until my shift is over or jm will beat my ass_

 

He quickly puts his phone on vibrate and slips it back into his apron, conscious that Junmyeon could walk in at any moment. Kyungsoo eyes him suspiciously from over his shoulder, but Jongdae ignores him in favour of stealing Chanyeol's water bottle, sipping from it casually as he waits for Baekhyun to reply. He feels his phone vibrate against his legs about half a minute later, and he pauses his fight with Chanyeol (the sous chef doesn't appreciate it when people steal his drinks, apparently) to scuttle back over to the store cupboard and check the message, taking a sip as he does so.

 

**hewwo my name is loca**

_dae im fuckin dyinffggg_

_I went to get food but the lift is broken again so I took the stairs and there was water on them and I fell down hdkjlhjkl_

_my leg rly hurts fuck what do I do :(((((((_

 

Oh damn, this can't be good. Jongdae and Baekhyun live in an apartment towards the edge of the city. If Baekhyun fell down the stairs, they must have been the concrete ones used to get between each floor in the block. Falling down them would certainly do some damage. He puts the bottle down and replies, worry slowly pooling in his gut.

 

 

**:3**

_Oh shit dude u okay ? Where are u now, are u still on the stairs ??_

 

**hewwo my name is loca**

_I managed to get back to the flat but fuckkkkkkkk_

_I think my leg is broken ????????????_

_It's turning kinda purple that means is broken rifht ??????????????????_

_Jongdae helpppppp meeeeeeee :'(((((_

A photo comes through next.

_This looks broken to u right ??????? Sorry about the quality my phone got smashed when I fell fhdgjds :((_

 

Jongdae isn't really sure what he's looking at, at first, as the picture is rather fuzzy and unfocussed. It's a few seconds until he recognises the giant purpling bruise spreading across what looks to be Baekhyun's leg, splotches of sickly yellow and blue bleeding into Baekhyun's skin like a disturbing oil painting. You don't need to be a doctor to know that something really isn't right there. The sight of it has him feeling queasy. Jongdae has never broken a bone before, but he can't even begin to imagine how much pain his best friend is in right now.

 

 

**:3**

_Holy shit, you really need to go to the hospital_

 

**hewwo my name is loca**

_Ikr its fucki n grossss_

_But none of the neighbours r answrring the door !!!!!!!_

_And I tried calling joongi and hyeran but they didn’t pick up_

_Im rly stuck dae I dno what to do :((((((_

_It rly fuckin hurts im actually cryinggg helppppp_

 

Fuck. Jongdae doesn't know what he should do. He still has a few hours left until his shift ends and he can go home, but by the looks of it Baekhyun won't be able to wait that long. Jongdae also has the car with him, so even if Baekhyun could get down four flights of stairs to the car park, he wouldn't be able to drive himself to the hospital anyway. God damn it, what the hell is he going to do?!

Realising that his only option is to leave early, Jongdae curses. The restaurant is already understaffed tonight as it is, and it's so busy that one waiter down would make everyone else's lives much more difficult. Table 13 haven't had their table cleared yet and that asshole table still don't have their merlot, and Jongdae knows he's going to get such an earful from his colleagues if he drops out so suddenly. They would probably understand, but that doesn't make it right.

But Baekhyun needs him. The thought of him all alone in the apartment, suffering a horrendous amount of pain with no one there to help him, makes Jongdae's stomach churn unhappily. It doesn't take much longer for him to come to a decision.

 

 

**:3**

_Stay there, I'm coming to get u_

 

He finds Junmyeon by the bar, chatting with Minseok and cracking one liners that no one else but the barman would find funny. Junmyeon flashes him a smile when Jongdae approaches but his happy expression is quickly replaced with one of concern when he lays eyes on the slightly distressed look on Jongdae's face.

"Are you alright, Jongdae?" he asks worriedly. "You don't look so good."

No, Jongdae is not alright. He feels like he's about to vibrate out of his skin he's so worried.

"Erm, there's been a bit of an issue at home," he says with as much anguish as he can muster, "I just got a text from Baekhyun saying he's fallen down the stairs and hurt his leg. He thinks it might be broken? He's kind of stuck and even if he could get up, I've got the car so he can't get himself to the hospital."

Thank God his boss is a decent human being. Junmyeon gasps and starts blubbering about how horrible that sounds, and Minseok, ever the silent observer, is staring at him with a mixture of concern and pity. Jongdae smiles weakly at him and focuses on the relief at seeps through his back when Junmyeon tells him that he can leave early to get Baekhyun to A&E as quickly as possible.

"Are you sure?" he asks. God, he hopes Baekhyun is alright.

"Yes, of course!" Junmyeon says. "If it's as bad as it sounds, he really needs to get it looked at right away. Now stop wasting time and go. You can come in early for your next few shifts to make up for this one."

Jongdae figures that's reasonable. Junmyeon, who Jongdae has now decided is the nicest man in the world, pushes him towards the staff area with urgency as Jongdae splutters out his thanks. He runs off to gather his belongings, and Junmyeon yells after him to keep him updated but Jongdae barely hears him as he bursts into the staff area and rips off his apron, throwing it into his bag. Grabbing his bag and coat he sprints out the back door into the car park, pausing for a moment to remember where he parked the car before jogging over and unlocking it, throwing his things onto the passenger seat carelessly before climbing inside.

He blasts off a text to say he's on his way before starting the car and pulling out onto the high street, speeding off into the night.

 

 

~

 

 

**_9:58pm_ **

 

The streetlights are weak, glowing dimly like fireflies as Jongdae sprints down the road towards his apartment block. In typical fashion, the car park was completely full with not one empty space in sight, and after driving in circles for several minutes Jongdae had little choice but to park down the other end of the street. Huffing and puffing, he curses his bad luck as he buzzes himself inside and runs towards the stairs, carrying himself up them as quick as he can, two steps at a time until he makes it to the fourth floor.

Pausing for a brief breather (he makes a mental note to find time between shifts to get himself to the gym cause wow) he jogs down the corridor and stops in front of his apartment door. His hands are shaking with worry and exertion as he digs around in his jacket and bag for his keys, eventually finding them a couple of minutes later in his right trouser pocket.

He unlocks the door and bursts inside the apartment. "Baek?" he yells, kicking the door shut with his foot. He dumps his bag on the floor and doesn't bother taking his shoes off as he storms into the front room, eyes searching every corner and piece of furniture for his wounded best friend. "Where are you? Are you okay?"

With a potentially broken leg, Jongdae had imagined Baekhyun to be passed out on the sofa, or perhaps even on the floor, wincing in pain as his pallid skin grows more and more purple with every second that passes. Jongdae had expected him to be writhing around in the hallway, crying out Jongdae's name as he begged to be taken to safety, and Jongdae would do his best to hoist him into his arms and carry him down four flights of stairs, ushering words of comfort and providing general friendly support until they arrived at the hospital and Baekhyun could receive the care he needs.

Strangely enough, however, the apartment is silent. Almost too silent. Jongdae stops panicking momentarily and stands still in the middle of the living room, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck as an uneasy feeling begins to bubble in his gut. Where on earth is Baekhyun?

"Baek?"

"JONGDAE!!!!!!!"

With an almighty screech, Baekhyun comes skidding out of his bedroom like a cheetah on wheels, crashing down the hallway and bursting into the front room with an almost incredible amount of noise, akin only to a bullet train entering a tunnel. Jongdae screams as Baekhyun ploughs into him, knocking him over sideways and sending them both hurtling to the ground. Landing on his back, Jongdae has mere moments to comprehend his current situation before Baekhyun lands right on top of him, knocking the air straight from his lungs and, unfortunately, kneeing him in the crotch.

"Baek, what the fuck-"

"Jongdae I'm so happy you're here I thought I was going to die I swear I was about to throw myself out a window you're so amazing oh my God I love you so much you have to help me I'm genuinely going to die please help I'm literally about to pass out please please please-!"

Between the stinging of his crotch and Baekhyun's nonsensical rambling, it takes Jongdae a few moments to remember the reason why he came home in the first place. "Baek," he grunts out, thankful that the man on top of him shuts up immediately. God his nuts sting. "Your leg. Is it okay? Are you alright, does it still hurt?"

"My leg?" Baekhyun says, and he sounds a little confused. "What about my leg?"

"You hurt it?" Jongdae replies in winces. "You fell down the stairs?"

"The stairs?" There's a second before Baekhyun squeaks loudly, jostling his knee between Jongdae's legs even further, much to his increasingly pained chagrin. "Oh, my leg! Yes, my leg. It’s um. It's better now? It doesn't hurt anymore. It's good. Um. I'm good? Yeah, I'm good."

A pause. "Are you good?" Baekhyun asks, awkwardly cheerful, as if he isn't lying on top of his best friend and unknowingly castrating him with every move of his tiny dumb body.

With a great sigh through gritted teeth, Jongdae shoves Baekhyun off him and sits up, hauling himself shakily up from the carpet. "But you hurt it? You thought it was broken?" Pain shoots from his balls up to his stomach and wow he really needs to sit down. "You sent me a picture of it all bruised and shit."

"Yeah…it got better?"

"Got better? Baek, how-"

It's then that he actually looks at the man he calls his best friend. The man he shares his home, his space, his life with. The man he left work early for, and drove halfway across the city for, just to make sure he was safe.

The man he now wants to strangle to death and subsequently dump in the Han river.

Because Baekhyun is stood right there in front of him, balancing on _both legs_ , smiling sweetly and dressed from head to toe in the most ridiculous amount of clothing for the middle of August heat Jongdae has ever seen.

He's wearing his sliders with the thickest pair of socks one could possibly imagine, joggers tucked inside tightly with a matching jumper on his upper half, the sleeves rolled down and hidden underneath a pair of thick, heavy winter gloves. The hood of his jumper is pulled at the cords so that only his eyes and nose are visible, and despite being covered by the fabric of the hood his mouth is hidden underneath a face mask, one of Jongdae's that he received from Chanyeol last year as a Secret Santa gift.

To complete the look is a bicycle helmet, bright pink and glittery because Baekhyun doesn't know how to control himself, perched on top of his hood-covered head like an eagle protecting its nest, and a poster tube, which Baekhyun picks up from the floor, having most likely dropped it when he leapt across the room and onto Jongdae's chest, and twirls in the most clumsy, uncoordinated way possible.

Honestly what the fuck.

"Baekhyun," Jongdae starts, irritated heat bubbling in his stomach. "You're not hurt, are you?"

At least the other man has the decency to look sheepish. "…No," he stutters, stepping backwards as Jongdae begins to approach him.

"The bruise?"

"…Eyeshadow….and a bit of eyeliner…..and lip stain." He rolls up his jogger leg, revealing a smudged patch of purple and blue powders on the surface of his skin. This close, Jongdae can see that it looks nothing like a bruise at all. Must be why the picture he sent him was so fuzzy.

God fucking damn it.

"So you lied to me?" Jongdae says, furious heat replacing the anxiety bubbling in his stomach. He really can't believe it. Baekhyun goddamn deceived him, the little shit. "You pretended to be hurt so I would leave work early?!"

"Sort of?" Baekhyun yelps and jumps out the way when Jongdae throws one of the sofa cushions at him. "In my defence you didn’t have to leave! You could have waited until your shift was over! It was your individual free will that brought you here, I merely provided an incentive! You could argue this was both our faults- ouch!"

"I thought you were in trouble!" Jongdae snaps, grabbing another cushion to throw. Baekhyun just manages to dodge it by ducking behind an armchair. "I thought you needed to go to the hospital! But I guess I drove all the way here for nothing, didn't I?"

"Not for nothing-!"

"I could get fired, Baekhyun!"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry!" He slides out from behind the armchair and dives to the floor at Jongdae's feet, rubbing his hands together in a desperate apology. Jongdae halts his offense and scowls down at him, poised for his next attack. "I'm the worst person in the world, a horrible, horrible friend, and you have absolutely every right to hate me and beat me and leave me to get eaten alive by wasps, but hear me out! There's a real reason I asked you to come home, I promise. I wouldn't trick you unless it was absolutely, completely, undoubtably necessary!"

Jongdae has known Baekhyun long enough to see that he's telling the truth, even when the majority of his face is hidden behind multiple layers of assorted fabrics. With a heavy sigh he drops the cushion in his hand and holds out his other to help Baekhyun up off the floor. "What is it then?" he sighs, exhausted. "What is this astronomical emergency?"

"Okay, don't be mad, but there's this really big spider in the bathroom and-"

Jongdae immediately lets go. "A spider?!" he shouts, wasting no time in grabbing the cushion again and hurling it down upon his now sore-bottomed friend - if he can still call him that, the bastard. "You made me drive all this way and risk my job for a motherfucking _spider_?!!"

"It's fucking huge- ouch, stop hitting me!" With a distressed shriek and sneaky manoeuvring, Baekhyun manages to snatch the cushion and wrestle it from Jongdae's grip, throwing it over his shoulder, where it bounces off into the kitchen. Moving forwards, Jongdae goes to grab Baekhyun by the sleeve, but he narrowly misses as the man ducks down and grabs his poster tube, brandishing it in front of him, stopping Jongdae in his tracks.

"Look, I understand that you're angry, I would be too-" he gestures warningly with the tube as Jongdae makes to attack him again, "-and I know I should be punished for tricking you and making you risk your job- in fact, I wholly encourage it! Strangle me, stab me, dissolve me in acid, whatever, I will even help you! Do whatever you like!" He wilts, wobbly at the knees, and for a second Jongdae thinks he's actually going to collapse. "Just please get rid of this spider cause it's really big and really gross and I really want to die honestly it's so disgusting I almost threw up it's so huge I was trying to pee and it was just there and -"

"Shut up!" Jongdae snaps, and Baekhyun instantly slams his mouth shut. Jongdae closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, feeling the air fill his lungs and cool down the tension that has knotted its way through his entire body. He takes a moment to think, opening his eyes and staring at the man in front of him with heavy scrutiny.

Baekhyun seems genuinely distressed about this tiny insect, and Jongdae knows that he would not do something as drastic as pretend to be injured if he really wasn't afraid. Granted it's still a dick move, and Jongdae will definitely be making his annoyance known, most likely until the end of time itself. He has half a mind to shove Baekhyun into the bathroom and barricade the door.

But Baekhyun is doing that thing he does when he's scared, where he looks around at every object in the room manically like it's about to grow eight legs and pincers and attack him, shoulders hunched up to his ears and knees wobbling precariously as if on stilts.

Jongdae is so tired.

"Fine," he says, bringing his hands up to rub his eyes. "I'll get rid of this stupid spider."

Baekhyun's face immediately lights up. "Thank you!!" he beams, rushing forwards to pull Jongdae into a tight bear hug. "Thank you so much!!! I love you so much, Dae, you're my hero, I can't thank you enough!!!!"

Wriggling out of his embrace, Jongdae elbows Baekhyun in the ribs. "If I do this for you then you have to do all my chores until further notice."

"Yes, anything! Just please get rid of the spider."

"All the hoovering and washing up." Baekhyun nods his head eagerly. "And you have to clean the toilet."

"I'll wash your kecks as well, just please!! Spider!!"

"And you have to take the bins out."

Baekhyun wrinkles his nose in disgust but doesn't argue back. Jongdae lifts his pinky and gestures for Baekhyun to seal their agreement in a lifelong binding contract, which he does perhaps a little too enthusiastically. Satisfied, Jongdae shakes the stiffness out his shoulders and walks into the kitchen, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and an old takeaway menu from the counter.

"Right. Let's get this over with."

With a cowering Baekhyun in tow, Jongdae makes his way over to the bathroom. It's relatively small but still cosy, with all the necessary plumbing and enough space to stretch after washing without whacking your head on the sink. It even has a heated towel rack, ensuring extra toastiness in the winter months. Jongdae pushes open the door and creeps inside, unafraid as he scans the room for any sign of the pesky arachnid that has caused nothing but chaos in his otherwise pleasant day.

"Where is it?"

"On the wall above the bath," Baekhyun stutters.

Jongdae turns to face the bath, and freezes.

When Baekhyun said that the spider was big, Jongdae had expected it to be, well, not that big. And he's somewhat correct, this spider is not big at all. In fact, it is the furthest from big you could even imagine.

Because this spider is inexplicably _monstrous_.

There aren't even words to describe how unbelievably horrendous this creature is. It's body is thick and fat and black, about the length of Jongdae's thumb, with long hairy legs that stretch like contorted needles across the tiled wall, inches in length and terrifying in every way possible. Despite being on the other side of the room Jongdae can see every detail on its demonic body, every hair and grisly pattern on its back, its black beady eyes staring at him, almost watching his every move. Razor sharp pincers protrude from its mouth like fangs. Like a dark omen, it sits there on the wall without a care in the world, and Jongdae can now understand why Baekhyun looks like he's about to vomit all over his shoes at any given moment.

Suddenly the poster tube and sparkly helmet make sense.

"Well," Jongdae coughs, feeling like a deer caught in very hairy headlights, "that is a big boy."

"It's fucking disgusting, it's genuinely the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life." Baekhyun, who had been hiding behind the door, peeks his head around the corner before shrieking and running away down the hall. "Oh God, Jongdae, just get rid of it now, just kill it!"

Jongdae wasn't planning on killing it, but he doesn't think they have a single container in the whole flat big enough to capture it. The glass in his hand feels very useless right now. "Could I borrow your tube?" he yells, and seconds later he hears a crash as the tube collides with the bathroom door. Rolling his eyes, Jongdae puts down the glass and menu and grabs the tube. He balances it in his hands, urging confidence into his muscles and puffing out his chest as he raises the tube, preparing to strike.

The spider starts to move.

Jongdae immediately reels back, stumbling into the wall. "Jesus fucking shit on a stick," he yells, almost dropping the tube entirely, because fuck if that is not the most evil and demonic thing he has ever seen in his twenty four years of existence. The ruddy thing is escaping up the wall and Jongdae could just whack it now and end this whole experience but his heart is racing and he can feel bile rising in his throat. Jongdae isn't afraid of spiders by any means (he's not really afraid of much, to be honest) but this thing is basically the spawn of Satan and Jongdae really doesn't want it haunt his bathroom for the rest of eternity.

"What happened? What's going on?"

"It's moving," Jongdae replies, swallowing a slightly hysterical giggle when Baekhyun explodes into screams. The spider keeps crawling up the wall until it settles near the top corner of the room, right above the showerhead. "Hold on," he calls out, placating Baekhyun's squawking. "I'm going to try to kill it."

"Ohhhhhh myyyyyyy Godddddddd!!!!!" squeals Baekhyun from somewhere down the hall. "You can do it!! I believe in you!!"

Jongdae raises the tube and readies his strike, wishing that he had asked to borrow Baekhyun's helmet and gloves as well as his tube. With one strong swoop, he swings, only to miss and hit the showerhead instead. It gets knocked out of its stand and falls right onto Jongdae's head, stunning him into dropping his weapon, which in turn lands on one of the taps. Freezing cold water pours from the showerhead and all over Jongdae's legs, and he ends up slipping over on his socked feet, landing on his back in the bath with an almighty bang.

"Jongdae? Are you okay?!" Baekhyun calls out, but Jongdae is too winded and too busy drowning under the torrent of water to reply. He hears the pitter patter of feet running down the hall and then Baekhyun bursts into the room, now armed with a can of deodorant. "Jongdae, are you- OH GOD JONGDAE IT'S BY YOUR FEET JONGDAE YOUR FEET LOOK OUT!!!!"

Craning his neck, Jongdae looks down to see that the spider has indeed fallen from the wall and is now scrambling up the side of the bathtub near his feet. He launches himself out of the tub and stumbles backwards, bumping into Baekhyun as he tries to put as much distance between himself and the spider as possible. He's not scared, he reassures himself, just startled, and he shimmies off his dripping wet socks before hesitantly reaching into the bath to get the tube back.

Meanwhile, Baekhyun jumps on top of the toilet. "How is it still alive?!" he whines, gagging as the spider scuttles up and out of the bathtub and onto the wall again. "Why won't it die?!!"

"I'm doing my best!" Jongdae swings but misses again, and the spider moves further along the wall. "I don't see you doing anything to help."

"I already tried!!" Baekhyun insists, waving his deodorant around to emphasise his point. "But it got too scary." He yelps when Jongdae fails to hit the spider for the third time. "I rang Joongi and Hyeran to see if they would help me and they both told me to go fuck myself!"

"Yeah, no wonder," Jongdae drawls, noting that at least one part of Baekhyun's fake story was somewhat true. Baekhyun pokes him in the back of the head with the deodorant can.

Puffing out his chest, Jongdae raises the tube and attacks. Shouts fill the little bathroom as the tube catches on a shelf next to the shower, sending bottles of shampoo and body wash hailing down onto the floor. Jongdae swears he actually hits the spider this time, but as well as being the type of monster to attack twelve year old wizard children and/or mentally unstable hobbits, it's apparently also made of pure titanium, and it crawls away unscathed.

"This bitch."

By this point, the touch of fear that had been present in his body has vanished completely. Now there is only pure unbridled rage. How dare this stupid leggy bastard break into his house and ruin his night! He could be at work right now, nibbling on people's leftovers and cracking weak one liners at Minseok to make the stoic barman laugh. But no, he is drenched from head to toe in cold water and there's shampoo all over his bare feet. Baekhyun is whimpering fearfully behind him and Jongdae has never been more determined to finish a task in his entire life. This spider is going down, and Jongdae will not rest until its ugly ass has been completely eviscerated from the face of the earth.

The shower is still spraying water everywhere, and the poster tube is quickly turning into a floppy wet mess. Jongdae discards it in the bath before turning to Baekhyun, holding out his hand. "Can I borrow your shoe?" he asks hurriedly, and Baekhyun blinks at him for a second before kicking off one of his sliders and tipping it into Jongdae's open palm.

The spider has found its way back to the bath again, this time creeping slowly across the edge. It looks like it's heading for the door, but Jongdae doesn’t let it continue its journey any further as he brings the shoe down upon it with an almighty slap. Somehow the spider is still alive, the asshole, and is now making a run for it down the side of the bath and onto the floor. Jongdae counters its every move, hailing down slap after slap after slap, hoping that at least one will do the job and finish off the beast once and for all.

"Be careful!!!" Baekhyun cries, but the time for precision has long since passed. Jongdae keeps going, sweat mingling with the water on his face as he does his best to stop the spider from escaping its fate. Finally, after about a minute of non-stop assault, just as the spider is about to wriggle its way under the door and out into the rest of the apartment, Jongdae hails down one last strategic slap.

With a soft crunch, the spider is finally dead.

Immediately, Baekhyun rips off his mask and hood. "YES!!!" he screeches before Jongdae even comprehends what just happened. "IT'S DEAD! IT'S GONE! WE ARE FREE!!!!"

"Holy shit." Jongdae drops the shoe and spins around. "I did it, Baek!" he starts to laugh, perhaps a little manically, as the realisation that he actually killed an invincible spider settles into his bones. "I saved you!"

He punches the air as Baekhyun hops off the toilet, and the two pull each other into an impossibly tight hug as they jump up and down on the spot in elation. The shower is still on and the floor is covered in suds, and they almost slip over a few times, but they're just too happy to care. Jongdae did it! He actually got rid of the spider!! This is somehow the happiest, yet undeniably most exhausting day of his life.

"You saved me!! Thank you so much!!"

Maybe it's the euphoria, or the fatigue, or maybe even a touch of pneumonia from the freezing water, but when Baekhyun grabs Jongdae by the shoulders and pulls him in, Jongdae doesn't push him away. Baekhyun's hair is a tangled mop and his eyes are lined with dark circles, but his lips are soft and warm, and Jongdae is so tired, and Baekhyun feels like home. He curls his hand around Baekhyun's neck and pulls him in closer, revelling in the glory of the moment and the heat of the other's body against his own.

Neither of them know how long they stand there, cold and wet and soapy and positively ecstatic, but when Baekhyun pulls away it feels like not long enough. Jongdae opens his eyes, and the look on Baekhyun's face is worth all the stress and woe of the events that occurred earlier that night.

”Oh,” Baekhyun says, a little dumbly. “Sorry, I’m just...really happy the spider’s gone.”

Baekhyun is his friend, and perhaps this isn't the best idea, but Jongdae can't bring himself to care as he leans in again and kisses the other man deeply, tangling their hands together.

Maybe his night wasn't ruined that much after all.

**Author's Note:**

> im still rusty at formatting on here lol can u tell
> 
> this is inspired by an irl incident that happened to me, my friend and my housemate. my friend was staying over for a couple weeks and i got back home from work to find a huge gigantic evil spider in my room fghdghfghfdjg, it was too high up the wall for us to get it in a glass, and in all honesty i dont think i even own a glass that would be big enough to hold it anyway. in the end we had to spray it with hairspray to get it off the wall and then my friend whacked it with a poster tube. it took 45 minutes and the combined efforts of three arachnophobes to get rid of this thing, honestly it was horrible, i still have nightmares about it fgjkgjjgsgf.
> 
> as a disclaimer, i do not condone the killing of spiders!! if you are able to catch it and release it outside then please do!!! however i do understand that sometimes murder is the only option, as with my aforementioned crisis. but in general spider related events, please catch that bitch and put him outside!!
> 
> as always, thank you for reading! please tell me what you think! feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](http://kokokysoo.tumblr.com/ask) or in the comments if you have any questions or simply just want to scream about stuff, i always reply and i'm always up for a chat!


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